One hot summer day, my mom was waiting to meet me. In Anchorage, I was born on July 1,1968 at 7:34 p.m. I was six lbs four ounces and nineteen and one half inches long. On June twenty-second, I was supposed to be born. Both of my parents hoped I was going to be born on my dad’s birthday, which was on June twenty- second. I had fun doing all my firsts, childhood activates, my favorites, and what my parents taught me.
All my firsts were so fun I have to tell you about them. When I was four years old, I bit Talon, and my great-grandma scolded me while I was daydreaming. My great- grandma was talking and I wasn’t listening to her. After she was done, I looked at her and said,” Knock- it- off- grandma.” Another first thing I did was when I joined Karate at seven years old. It was sort of fun and sort of hard. Mr. K was our teacher and one time he let us crawl under the lunch tables like a veteran. The best thing I did first was when I drove a plane, up the river, in the winter. It was so fun because I saw most of the land and all the cabins. I even got to use one of those helmets where you can talk to the pilot. The first time my family moved into my new house up the hill, I slept over at Abbie’s birthday party, while my family slept home. When I went to bible camp, I was ten years old. It was the first time I was away from home. The best part is when there were the activities. My firsts were so fun, I wish I could do them again.
My life has been full of whole bunch of different adventures. When I started E.C.E, I was very excited. My teacher was Marlene Haugen. She would make all the little kids drink all their milk, and then they would throw-up. It was sad. Then in 1999, Jayden, my brother was born. My mom has pictures of me holding him in the hospital. Jayden was so cute when he was a baby, but now, he is really annoying. I still love him though. Then Jewel came into this world. If she didn’t, I would be fighting with Jayden all the time. When I am sad, Tammy is always there to cheer me up. Jewel is an awesome, loving sister. Then, in kindergarten, I met Cinderella at the age of five. At first, we would just play with each other, and then we became best friends forever. I had a lot of fun when I was a kid, and I hope my children will too.
All my favorites were so fun, you will want to do them too. When I was one year old, I went to Old Women by snowmachine. Even though I don’t remember when I went there, my parents said I had an awesome time. I also had a lot of fun when I joined cheerleading. I’ve been in cheerleading for two years. I had the best time ever. The whole team won first place both years. Cinderella and I won the partner stunts are first year. When we went on the mat, some of the boys were whistling at us. It was kinda embarrassing. Then, I went to Golovin for Fall Blast. I had so much fun. The best part was when we would go to the church and sing. I love to sing to God. It was also my first time I went to Fall Blast. On July 11, I had my golden birthday. I was hoping that Renatta would be there. When I opened my presents, my parents told me to open the biggest one first. So I did, and when I did, out popped, Tinkerbell. I was so surprised, I just stood there. Then I hugged her. It was the best birthday ever. Lastly, is when I went to Disney Land. I had the best time ever. The best part was when we went to Sea World. There was this show were you would get wet by some guys dumping water on us. This one guy poured all the water on this teenager. It was so funny! All my favorites were so awesome, that I hope they will continue in my future.
I love my parents so much, that I couldn’t live without them. My parents helped me walk. Minnie Mouse, my cousin, kinda helped me by letting me hold her fingers. Also, I was potty trained by my mom and dad. I don’t really know what happened, but I was glad I was potty trained. On my seventh birthday, I got a trampoline and an inner tube. The morning of my seventh birthday, my dad opened the curtains and I saw my trampoline. I was so happy that I went to go jump with my pajamas still on, so did Dora and Spiterman. Then, the first time I learned how to cut my first fish, my mom taught my when I was eight years old. We were at my Uncle Vance’s cabin. Since then, it was kinda fun. I’ve been cutting a lot of fish. This year, I will probably cut a lot on fish again. I am so glad my parents helped my with all the things I needed to succeed in my life.
In conclusion, my life has been so awesome and fun. I am so thankful that my parents are around to make me a better person. Although I had a lot of favorites in my life, I think when I went to Disney Land was my most favorite. When I was younger, I had so much fun playing with Cinderella. The favorite adventure that I did first was when I drove a plane. I hope my life will stay full of good adventures.
Hey Jonisha! There are a few things I really liked about your writing. One idea I thought was interesting was when you used the nicknames to replace a person’s original name. I thought it was a mystery and just had to find out what the names were! You used the nickname Cinderella for….let me take a guess… Season? And Tinkerbell is your dog’s name? I can’t quite figure out who Minnie Mouse is though… you’re tricky!
What I also liked about your writing is that you make it sound like everything was so exiting and you made me realize how much fun it is when you spend time with your folks. That’s something I’m planning on doing. Every event you explained would persuade readers of your writing to get out and explore and have bunches of fun… like you did!
A few improvements might include separating different ideas and putting them into new paragraphs. Such as, “Then, I went to Golovin for Fall Blast,” etc. Since cheerleading and Fall Blast are two different ideas you put them in different paragraphs.
You can also make your sentences vary in length. Explain more about, ” I’ve been in cheerleading for two years. I had the best time ever.” Sentences like this can be varied in length, some longer and some shorter. And you may want to use more descriptive adjectives such as, ” ultimate, greatest, or thrilling,” and replace words like exciting or best with a more stronger adjective. Other than that, your paper is marvelous! Great work Jonisha! -lena eakon-
Hey Jonisha, were you really born in 1968? Other than that your writing was pretty good. It was kinda cool how you gave those people Fairy tale names. My favorite part of your story is when you gave those people Fairy tale names. You made me laugh when I read that. Your writing is pretty good for your level, I think. You still have a long way in your writing days.