Comments for Wolfpack on the Web

Comment on Muzik Iz Mi Lyfe by Aucha Johnson

Aucha Johnson — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:19:34 +0000

Nice, Meeeweewee! You paper is meeweeweely awsome.’Woop Woop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think you should have talked more about the drum set and not only a guitar. Youz got a awsome tital. Muzikally awsome paper.

Comment on What I am Thankful For by L.E.S.- laurel katchatag

L.E.S.- laurel katchatag — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:19:03 +0000

I love how you talked about something that happens in everyday life. When you talked about your family, that made me think about how much time you spend with them. You need to work on not being redundant and saying “I” too much.

Comment on Muzik Iz Mi Lyfe by shayleece

shayleece — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:17:21 +0000

WOW!!! You make music sound like heaven. Your paragraph is very descriptive.(Though you were a bit redundant thrugh-out the paper.)
( P.S. good luck on the Music!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Comment on What I am thankful for by Autumn Ivanoff

Autumn Ivanoff — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:13:38 +0000

Nice paper! Although, you need to start using “since” instead of “because” so it makes your papers sound better. The word “Also” is used to much at the beginning of your sentences, so try and think of different words to use. You may need to start making your topic and concluding sentences better with vocabulary words you have in reading class! Anyways, you have a good paper!

Comment on What I am Thankful For by Gage (aka) Captain

Gage (aka) Captain — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:11:00 +0000

Really good!!!!!!! But to redundant. I think you can add more stuff on paragraph 3. Goooood topic sentences on paragraph 1. Awesome job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~ Your cousin Gage

Comment on Muzik Iz Mi Lyfe by Talon

Talon — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:07:56 +0000

I really like your paper, but you could’ve changed your title to “The Reasons I Love Music”. Your second and third paragraph are very good. but your fourth is redundant in “it clears my mind”. Other than that, your paper is musically marvelous!!

Comment on Muzik Iz Mi Lyfe by Season

Season — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:03:49 +0000

Hey Jono!!:)
Your paper is good!!In stead of using “because” you can use something else. You could put a little more about the guiter like how it looks and sounds. In the first paragraph you already said “it clears my mind” and in the fourth paragraph. By the way your paper is good!!I like it!!
Season

Comment on Steve Nash’s life story by jonathanh

jonathanh — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 17:26:09 +0000

Your paper is really good but I think the title could be changed to something like “The Gifts I Get And The Seasons I Like” to better reflect what your paper is really about. When I first read your paper, I thought it would be a biography. Another thing I noticed was that you used “I” a lot. You can try to find a word or a phrase to substitute those words. There were also a lot of “my”s used in the paper too. I think it would sound better if those were substituted also.

Comment on L.E.S by chadw

chadw — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 17:25:01 +0000

You were born in 1997? You’re already thinking about college? Your title says L.E.S., but I don’t know what it stands for, so it’s confusing. Titles usually give the reader an idea about what the paper’s about. Who are Kapugen, Naka, and Humpack? What are Aesop Fables? Well, anyways, good paper. For editing, Both of the NASA”s have convention errors. One’s NASA and the other is N.A.S.A. You forgot the last “.” a the last A.

Comment on Tammy’s classroom student Biography by jasont

jasont — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 17:24:11 +0000

Hey Jonisha, were you really born in 1968? Other than that your writing was pretty good. It was kinda cool how you gave those people Fairy tale names. My favorite part of your story is when you gave those people Fairy tale names. You made me laugh when I read that. Your writing is pretty good for your level, I think. You still have a long way in your writing days.